The Queen of Dark: An Interview With Nyakim Gatwech
The Minnesota-based model has gained a lot of online attention after Yahoo News wrote about her unpleasant conversation with an Uber driver. The model-activist has been very vocal about loving her skin and who she is. She is not afraid to share her story and thanks to that she has appeared in local magazine covers to national campaigns. Getting to this point has been a journey for Nyakim to say the least and she doesn’t plan on stopping any time soon.
Nyakim Gatwech is the Queen of Dark.
The Minnesota-based model has gained a lot of online attention after Yahoo News wrote about her unpleasant conversation with an Uber driver. The model activist has been very vocal about loving her skin and who she is. She is not afraid to share her story and thanks to that she has appeared in local magazine covers to national campaigns. Getting to this point has been a journey for Nyakim to say the least and she doesn’t plan on stopping any time soon.
Q: How did you cope and deal with the negativity and ignorance from haters back when you were in middle and high school?
When I was in middle school, I didn’t know how to cope with the negative comments I received daily. Back then, the way I dealt with the negative comments was either locking myself in my room and crying or trying to fight the people that said mean things about me. I knew it wasn’t solving anything. Locking myself in my room was causing me to become depressed and fighting back was getting me suspended from school. My problems weren’t being solved, so I told my sister, “kids are making fun of me because of my complexion. What do I do? I wanna bleach [my skin] and all this stuff.” She told me that [skin bleaching] wasn’t the way to go about it.
“The way I dealt with the negative comments was either locking myself in my room and crying or trying to fight the people that said mean things about me.”
She was the shoulder I cried on. We talked a lot. She would give me such great advice and remind me constantly how I am so beautiful and there is nothing wrong with being different. They [the bullying kids] aren’t used to seeing someone that looked like me. They were scared of seeing [someone] different, seeing something new. In high school, I just didn’t care [anymore]. I love myself. I didn’t care what people had to say. I was just like, “you need help if you’re going to talk down to me like that - something is bothering you. You just need a friend, or a hug or something.” In middle school I didn’t know how to cope with the negative comments as much as I did in high school. I grew to learn to love myself.
Photography by Aidan Petrilla
Photography by Aidan Petrilla
Q: How do you deal with them now?
Now, I am not bothered by it [the negativity]. I accept my skin, I love myself, and I’m not insecure about my skin anymore. I don’t think I’m ugly anymore. I have confidence in myself. It doesn’t bother me as much because I am okay with who I am. Sometimes in the morning, I remind myself, “out this door, there are going to be negative people looking at you sideways, people are going to say negative stuff to you, [but] it doesn’t matter because you are beautiful inside and out and the people that see it will be more.”
If you are so affected by the mean stuff people say about you, the negative comments people write about you then you attract negative people. But if you are positive and confident, then you attract positive people. If you walk with pride, and confidence and love yourself then you are going to attract people who come up to you and say, “Oh, you’re beautiful!” I have become a strong woman who can stand up to anyone who says something to me and educate them. [I can tell them] the reason I look like this is because I come from this part of the world. There are so many beautiful human beings around the world, that you never get to see all of them. We all look different. We are all different shapes, different sizes, and its okay! We shouldn’t be scared of different.
Q: It’s one thing to deal with haters, but when you encounter Models, Designers or Makeup Artists, people who are supposed to be your peers, how do you push through?
That is the hardest thing when it’s your workplace. With my fellow models, peers, and friends, I wouldn’t say anything. Sometimes I would go to casting calls and I’d be sitting next to a group of girls and some of them would be nice and say things like, “Oh, hi! Where are you from?” While some [models] would look at me like you’re not a model, you shouldn’t be a model (for whatever reason). I deal with this by not letting myself be bothered or brought down by it. There’s a bigger picture. At first, I was doing it to just prove a point that I’m beautiful too. Now, I’m past that point, I am not just proving a point anymore. I’m standing up for all those little girls who were like me at one point, who are being bullied right now, who are going through the things that I went through.
You can do anything you put your mind to, right now I am doing this for them, for my younger self. For Makeup Artists and photographers, I feel like it has gotten better for me right now. When I shot with photographers in the past, I would do a photoshoot, and its dope, and the photographer would edit it and send me the pictures and they are so light. It’s gotten better, I would talk to them [photographers] and be like “Hey, I’m not trying to be rude, I know this is your job, [this is] something you’re good at, but I feel like this is just too light, its not my complexion, do you think you can tone it down the lightening?” And some of them [photographers] would be like “okay, thank you for letting me know that.” And they would fix it. For the Makeup Artists, when I’m getting my makeup done, either they would put a foundation two shades lighter because they didn’t have my foundation shade and my face would look different from my neck or they would say “Oh you don’t need a foundation” because they just don’t have my foundation. I just started to always carry my foundation with me. Instead of being hurt by it, [thinking] “Oh now I can’t do this photoshoot. My makeup doesn’t look right. I don’t want to offend the photographer”. I am nice about it and say, “Hey I have this foundation that I think is dark enough”. I just have a solution or try to talk in a very kind way, before I just didn’t say anything and go home and cry about it. “I had the worst photoshoot or fashion show”, “I looked so bad on the runway” but now I speak up.
“ I’m standing up for all those little girls that were like me at one point, that are being bullied right now, that are going through the things that I went through.”
Q: What do you do to practice self-love?
I look in the mirror every day and remind myself that I am beautiful, I am different, I am strong and I am confident. I talk about it [self-love] on my Instagram and Twitter. I love to do makeup. I get my nails done. I treat myself, because, in the past, I didn’t.
Q: During MNFW you mentioned not only black girls, but girls of all shades and sizes reach out to you. Why do you think they feel encouraged by you to do so?
I feel like it’s because I tell my story. I am easy to be connected to. I was willing enough to tell my story about how I got bullied because of my skin color and how I was told I shouldn’t be a model. The fact that I was able to open up and tell my story, is what made it easier for little girls and other models to reach out to me and be like, ‘Hey this is what I’m struggling with, what can I do?’ If I can, I would give them advice. With my story, I was just being myself. I did not plan to write the Uber story. I don’t even know how that came up! Honesty! I was just posting [as usual]! Every time I post a picture on Instagram, I write something motivating.
For the Uber story, I was looking at our skin color, because it’s the first thing you see when you look at the picture. And I just wrote the story [in the caption] and Yahoo! saw it. I feel like the reason they are able to reach out to me is because I am myself. I check my Instagram messages all the time. If you want to send me a message or email, reach out. I will give you the best advice I can. I always put myself in their shoes.
Q: If you could say anything to that Uber driver from that one day, what would you say?
I feel like I would say the same thing to them as when I first had the conversation. Which was ‘I am sorry you feel that way and feel concerned but the state I am in right now I love myself and I am beautiful. I would never bleach my skin for anyone or any opportunity,” because I [apparently] would miss job opportunities for whatever reason. That’s what I told the Uber Uber driver.have the right to feel that way, you have the right to your opinion, but I love myself right now. In the past, I did consider bleaching my skin, but right now I would never do it for that reason – or any reason at all. If he told me what he did while in middle school, I would have cried. I would have said “Yeah, I wanna do that!” but today, I am confident in what am I, who I am, and where I come from. If a guy doesn’t find me attractive because of my skin color, that’s his problem. If I don’t find a job, that’s their loss.
Q: What are your thoughts on Instagram and its impact on girls’ self-esteem?
Instagram is a good network and social media platform, but I also feel like it can tear you down as a person. There are so many “how you’re supposed to look” pages out there. So many people you follow are living lives that are so perfect, but you don’t see the stuff they go through daily on Instagram. Never trust what you see on the screen completely. That’s not always the truth. [However], at the same time, it is a good platform to make something out of your life. You can reach out to big brands through Instagram. It’s good and it’s bad.
I feel like there should be an age limit too. My little cousin is 10 years old and has an Instagram. She said, “Auntie, I am following you.” I said, “Where?” “Oh, I see you on Instagram!” “Through whose account?” “I just created an account [on my own].” I’m like, “No, no, no”. There are so many bad things on there. It can tear you down, it can build you up, you've got to be a strong person to not let what you see on a phone or laptop screen tell you who you are as a person or make you think twice about the life you have.
“today, I am confident in what am I, who I am and where I come from.”
Q: Lastly, do you have any words of advice for girls struggling with self confidence and self esteem?
My advice is to build self confidence, feel confident in who you are and love yourself. There are so many people who love you and want to be your friend. If you are having self-confidence issues you are not going to see the people who love you, you are going to focus on the negative people. So my advice is to just talk to the people who love you. Talk to your friends, if you are being bullied talk to someone. Talk to family. Work on loving yourself and know that at the end of the day it comes down to you. If you don’t love yourself, no one else will. But as a little girl, how do you work on that? How do you work on your self confidence? I didn’t know how to. I cried a lot and locked myself in my room.
So I’m not expecting you to be able to do this right away. Confidence takes time. It takes time to build yourself when you’re at that stage. Just know there are more people that love you than hate you.
Photoshoot Credits
This interview was done and the photoshoot was styled by Debbie Aderinkomi.
The Photography - Aidan Petrilla
The Styling Assistant - Cooper Felipe
Apparel provided by: Scout & Molly's Edina | Shop Hazel and Rose MPLS
Accessories provided by: The White Room MPLS | Gold Fine Jewelry
Sunglasses provided by: InVision Distinctive Eyewear
The Makeup Artistry
Nyakim Gatwech's makeup for this photo shoot was done by WarPaint International Founder, Jessica Mae.
Many thanks to Nyakim Gatwech for doing this interview and photoshoot, and allowing us the time to get well-spoken answers to serious questions in the beauty, social media, and other sectors of "real life".
The Nyakim Gatwech Photoshoot
Project Runway's Samantha Rei On Being A Girl Boss
Minnesota has only produced a handful of Project Runway contestants, three to be exact. The Land of Lakes hasn't seen a designer on the reality show since Christopher Straub -- seven seasons ago. Samantha Rei is here to change that, the designer has been active in the Twin Cities fashion scene for almost two decades
An interview with Samantha Rei
Image courtesy of A & E Networks
Minnesota has only produced a handful of Project Runway contestants, three to be exact. The Land of Lakes hasn't seen a designer on the reality show since Christopher Straub -- seven seasons ago. Samantha Rei is here to change that, the designer has been active in the Twin Cities fashion scene for almost two decades. Since graduating from Perpich Center for Arts Education, Samantha Rei became a catalyst for Lolita style in the US, directed fashion shows and competed on the hit design show, Project Runway.
Since appearing on the show, Samantha Rei has been getting her girl boss on by focusing on collaborations and and working on her new collection. It's amazing to think she almost didn't audition, we're glad she was nudged to give it one more go.
Interview - the personal stuff
Q: I read that fellow Minnesotan and Project Runway alum Christopher Straub urged you to audition one last time for the show. What did he say that convinced you to give it one more try?
Samantha Rei: He honestly urged me to do it every year, but this time was different because I had decided I wasn't going to. An amount of hair that made me self-conscious had broken off, and I wasn't feeling confident. He said, "Well slap on a hairpiece and make a video, because they've extended the deadline!" The next day I made a video and the rest is history. Also, I just wore my hair as is, in case you were wondering.
“Well slap on a hairpiece and make a video, because they’ve extended the deadline!”
Q: In a GOMN article published in late September, it says you were one of the first Lolita designers in America. At the time, did you realize that? How did you get to the point of paving your own way?
Samantha Rei: All I knew was there were no stores in Japan willing to ship out of the country and I couldn't find what I wanted. I assumed it was hard to find, but I didn't realize until a few years later that it was myself and two others here in the US. Each season I just tried new things, tried to innovate and hone my skills. I encouraged other designers to do the same and grew the community the best way I could.
Image courtesy of A & E Networks
Q: Besides Lolita style, are there other aspects of Japanese popular culture you enjoy?
Samantha Rei: I like style tribes, the idea that people get together to like the same things and dress the same way. I like anime and manga (before discovering fashion, growing up I wanted to be a comic artist; I actually have another project in the works with manga-ka, Tomoko Taniguchi, which I'm excited about. I've worked with her before, but this is even more exciting). I used to love J-pop and Visual Kei when I was younger.
Q: What challenges have you had to overcome as a designer in today's overly digitalized and social media-driven society? How did you face them?
Samantha Rei: I'd say fast fashion has been detrimental. People want instant gratification, low prices and constant stimulation. I find I'm spending about as much time promoting myself on multiple platforms as I am creating. When I got started I really only promoted on my personal website and Livejournal. I also handed out flyers at local businesses. I'm glad the world is starting to get reacquainted with slow fashion. It's a breath of fresh air.
Q: In past interviews, you tell the story about being in a dressing room crying because the [fashion] industry didn't provide pieces you wanted/needed. Did you ever feel like you had to change in order to fit into the standards set by the industry?
Samantha Rei: Absolutely. Growing up, I physically matured a lot faster than the other girls and I already looked different, growing up in a predominately white town. I was told repeatedly that I was fat, boys didn't like me, I was bullied pretty hard so I didn't like myself much. As an adult I started to actually put on weight (I was very thin as a teen), and I felt like I was always in a state of trying to start a diet. It's weird, I did actually make a drastic life change around the time I turned 32 and over the next 2 years, lost 70 lbs.
I realized I liked myself more, not because I had gotten thinner, but because I was strong for the first time in almost two decades. I have since put on 25 lbs of the weight I lost, but the main thing I miss is my strength. I am confident in my skills shopping for and making clothes for myself. It took a really long time to get here, but I realize if I'm going to teach the next generation how to love themselves, I have to love myself. And I think I finally do.
Q: Young people often have a hard time feeling comfortable in their own skin and being their own person. Do you have any words of advice for those struggling?
Samantha Rei: Learn about yourself. Learn why you are self-conscious about XYZ. Is it because of what others are saying? I have learned it's usually because of outside elements. People knocking others down because THEY don't like themselves. Start with one thing you like about yourself. Then peel back the layers until you realize that every part of you is okay. That it's okay to like yourself.
Artisans Unite
Help young people with self-confidence and inner beauty.
Q: Is there a certain piece of clothing or accessory you feel most confident in? If so, what is it?
Samantha Rei: I really like the harnesses my design bestie Apatico makes for me. I also have a very favorite pair of boots. They are black and white steel toed boots from John Fluevog that make me feel like I can take on the world.
Q: You are a designer, author, trendsetter, business owner and now TV personality, how do you balance these different titles?
Samantha Rei: Honestly, I'm not happy unless I'm doing 5 million things. I try my best to keep a lot of lists, I take help when it's offered and I stay optimistic. I'm grateful that I have an amazing support system. I'm always looking for the next big thing to try!
Q: How do you go about forming business relationships and collaborating with other brands? Any tips for future girl bosses?
Samantha Rei: I don't fake it. I try to be as genuine as I can. I create relationships instead of "how can I use them"-ships. I feel like that's really why people trust me and like working with me. I think about how the relationship will be mutually beneficial. The biggest tip I would give is to be real and try your absolute best to offer your best in any situation.
Image courtesy of A & E Networks
Image courtesy of A & E Networks
Q: Before transferring to Perpich Center for Arts Education, you didn't have the best experience at your previous high school. What did you do to cope with being in that negative environment?
Samantha Rei: I spent a lot of time in Minneapolis with my brother and best friend. I made a lot of art and read of a lot of books.
Q: What about your experience at Perpich helped shape you as an adult?
Samantha Rei: It taught me that if I surround myself with positive people who are genuine and passionate about making good things, I can fit in anywhere. I learned that trying to fit into a place that would not accept me for me, was not worth it. I find myself sort of falling into that a bit as an adult and I always have to remind myself that there's no point in forcing relationships with people who are users.
Q: The theme for this season of Project Runway was to break out of the conventional modeling mold and to cater to all body types. Do you think you were at an advantage because of this?
“So many women think there’s something wrong with the body they have. ”
Samantha Rei: As far as my fit goes, absolutely. I was never afraid of making something I knew would fit. Even on the challenge where I was cut I was able to show how well I can tailor a garment to fit a client. One thing a lot of people don't realize, too, is being thin doesn't automatically get a person modeling work. If the proportions aren't "right" they might not get work. One of the girls even said that she had a hard time getting booked for a while because she had a booty. And she was thin! This is why so many women think there's something wrong with the body they have.
Q: Any advice for young people just starting out in a creative industry such as fashion?
Samantha Rei: Practice all the time and never stop learning. Strive to be better than you were yesterday. If you feel like you've learned it all, you're doing it wrong. And above all else, have fun! Creativity comes from many places, some bad, some good, but they are all transformative and you will grow from every experience.
Visit Samantha Rei's Website
Image courtesy of A & E Networks
Image courtesy of A & E Networks
Image courtesy of A & E Networks
Debbie Aderinkomi
Meet the Author